Tuesday, August 17, 2004

Confessions Of a Corporate Whore
Somehow I thought things would be different. When my company was eaten by this larger company, I suspected that I stood a chance of reviving my career. Perhaps I am just suffering from post-exam depression.

Last night I went home and found that "Pirates Of Silicon Valley" had finished downloading. It took nearly a week, but it was worth the long wait. What a great film. It still saddens me to see it ending with Apple getting partially owned by Microsoft (the pimp of all corporate sluts). This morning I come in and sit down at our weekly morning staff meeting. The owner hopped around showing us the main Microsoft page hoping that we will find something insightful there, and want to visit it more often. He is really pushing for his employees to care about what is on that page.

The entire time I was thinking to myself how canned the photos are. You have all these pictures of smiling people from all ethnicities, which have nothing to do with IT. In fact, these are professional models. Real IT people have never been so pretty. If you never paid much attention to the main Microsoft.com web site, you should. It gives you instructions on how to be a better corporate whore. And if thats not enough, they give us partners a special page. It's full of tips on how you can struggle to keep up with the rediculous requirements that Microsoft keeps throwing out. Every new fiscal year, the rules change, and new hoops are set up to be jumped through.

One picture featured a black guy leaning over something and smiling. Behind him is an asian guy grinning wildly. It really looks like he is getting rammed from behind and loving it. The real theme of the photo is lost by the art school dropout that cropped it. Beside the photo is a big warning sign about "how to keep your staff from installing Service Pack 2 for XP". Why would you want to keep people from installing a Service Pack, isn't it supposed to fix things? Don't even get me started.

Perhaps I am being over critical. Last night I perused around Apple.com and I was amazed at how nice their site is. It's themed to look like the product that they produce (OS X). The photos are of people USING the product. It just makes sense. The focus is how good the product is, and ways you can get the most from it. Isn't that what a web page should be? Shameless self promotion should be the focus of every vendor.

Part of me is screaming, "stop being the corporate whore". Another part of me says, "get these certifications ... because it will make you more money". And yet a third part of me says, "none of this really matters". Having gotten halfway through my MCSE process my mind is full of thoughts that are half Tyler Durden and half Steve Jobbs circa 1978. Why couldn't Apple have won? Why did it have to be Microsoft. PC's should be about more than upgrading your software and trying to live with it's inherent flaws.

And as I write this all to you, I do it from my new hand-me-down laptop. I was lucky (?) enough to score it off a guy that left the company only to turn around and perform consulting for more money. I spent the morning picking dog hairs out of the keyboard, and wondering why the lettering has rubbed off of the keys. The laptop, a Dell, is only a year or so old and was top of the line back then. While it's a nice laptop, it came with a few problems. First, it doesn't really belong to me. Secondly, it was given to me so that I would stop carrying around my beat up old iBook. Third, it's not an iBook and it runs XP.

One Last Ranting
My boss called me into her office yesterday. I didn't expect any good news. A short congratulations for passing yet another exam towards my 2003 MCSE. Hooray. A request that next time I drastically change a Linux+ class I should tell them first. Lastly I was told I should come upstairs and sit in the offices with the rest of the inside staff (not hide in the woodwork of the training center on the first floor). The actual phrase was "we have not ulitlized you enough". In so many words that translates to "we're not making money off of you". Being a corporate whore, this was the proverbial bitch slap from my pimp. Back to the curb, you!

Don't get me wrong, this was not a reaming of any kind. My boss is very nice. She expressed guilt for not having 'utilized' me much lately. But there was still one question I had left ... "where is the money?". When they asked that I start working on my MCSE/MCT I was pleased to do so, assuming it meant some extra money for me. At this point, I bravely requested a "benefit structure" that applied to my certification track. In other words, pave my way with cash. My boss (my brand new boss at the time) said she would get right to work on it. Here I am a few months later still waiting for any 'word'.

With my boss staring across her wrap around desk trying to smile, I asked "any work on that development plan?". The word is, there is no word. She expressed that there has not been much done with my 'development plan'. In other words, getting me some more money is not really a priority at this time. Okay ... so I will keep asking, and keep taking tests, and eventually maybe look for other employment. I believe the term is "never compromise". The minute I sit down and take it, is the minute I stop growing my skill set, and making myself into a more profitable person.

If I am going to continue to be a corporate whore, they are going to have to slap me around less, and put me on curbs of better neighborhoods.

*deep breath* Sorry ... I'll stop now.

Current Mood: Irritated, and burnt out on Microsoft
Musical Inspiration: I have no tunes on this new laptop, and no headphones either.

Historic Comments
I feel ya. I fuckin hate my job. For the last year I've been overworked, under appreciated, and under paid. I've passed the CISSP, gotten my SSCP, and I am now working on my 2003 MCSE and I have gotten and will get nothing for it.

They believe the opportunity for me to do these things is payment enough. I can't wait until I find a new job. Oh how I hate those corporate heartless pieces of shit!!!

_shaun | Homepage | 08.17.04 - 9:30 pm | #

Just be sure that if you go out, you go out in "Office Space" style.
cerealkiller76 | Homepage | 08.18.04 - 5:55 am | #

I just had to edit this post to include the picture(s) I was describing from the Microsoft web site. Enjoy.

_shaun: The silver lining is "eventually they will have to pay you more, or you will leave". But in the mean time, telling myself that doesn't seem to help.

cereal: I have daydreams .... that's all I'm saying!
Ray | 08.18.04 - 9:05 am | #

what are the specs on that new laptop?
tRiBaLmUnKy | 08.18.04 - 5:11 pm | #

My lappy is a Dell Inspiron 8200. It's got a 2.0Ghz CPU, and 512MB's of RAM. Also a 30 gig hard drive. Not bad eh?

They may order me more RAM for it to ... "so that I can run several Virtual PC's for classroom use". Sometimes my employer is aaaalll right.

Ray | 08.18.04 - 9:12 pm | #

"One picture featured a black guy leaning over something and smiling. Behind him is an asian guy grinning wildly. It really looks like he is getting rammed from behind and loving it. The real theme of the photo is lost by the art school dropout that cropped it."

OMG! ROTFL!! hahaha...!!!
j-dogg | 08.19.04 - 9:48 am | #

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