Sunday, November 23, 2003

Wireless Retards

Unfortunately retarded people are not a good source of wireless networking. If they were, I would have myself the wireless equivelant of an OC-768 out here. It's 7:23AM here in Warrensville Ohio. I just drove a couple of hours to get here to teach an Office Integration 2000 course here at a State Run retardation care community. At least the second half of it as I understand. I am guessing really. This course was supposed to be completed by another instructor who put it off, and then got sick for two weeks. So lucky me, I get to finish it off.

I have not been here in months. It's been nice. We have no network connectivity here. We did at one time. But one day, the connection went dead. I inquired with the local administrator here and he was a snooty little bastard. Looks like we stepped on his toes. I was very nice on the phone, but it didn't cheer him up at all. I imagine that if I managed a network for retards, I would be an asshole too. He did not want our classroom on his network. Nobody asked him about it. So when he 'found' it on his network, he pulled the plug from the wiring closet. He sure showed us! The conversation ended something like this.

Me: Well, I am sorry that we were on your network. I certainly hope our network did not harm yours?
Mr. Switzer: No, but again nobody asked me about it.
Me: Right, sorry again about that.
Me: Hey, are you related to a Shane Switzer in Columbus?
Mr. Switzer: No, I'm not (sounding annoyed).
Me: All right, well thanks for your time.
Mr. Switzer: Uh-huh. *click*
Me: How you doin'? Hello? How's your babies?
*dial tone*

Now I am in the middle of nowhere, with no network to speak of. It really sucks. When I rolled in this morning I was overjoyed to have picked up a signal. But it's several buildings away, and far too weak to make it's way to where I will be. And I would rather not roam the halls around here. There's retards everywhere. And I mean EVERYWHERE. You couldn't swing a laptop bag here without striking a blow to one. I have all ready heard my favorite retard wandering the halls this morning. She will ask you "How you doin?" and usually before you can answer that question, she asks "How's your babies?". This is the extent of her conversation skills. She is retarded afterall. So I always answer with something to the effect of "I'm great", and "they're just fine". But sometimes I get the feeling she just doesn't even care. Damn retards are so inconsiderate. She's all ready up the hall asking someone else about their babies.

Now I should probably get this classroom ready. I think they come in here at 8:00. But then, there is no way to know for sure. Since the previous instructor left me no paperwork.

8:05AM - Normally my students would come strolling in about now. But not this morning. I just called back to the office in Columbus. I have a class from 10 to 2:00PM with NO evening class. That makes me happy. I am a bit disturbed that I was 2 and a half hours early for class. But I don't care. I am just happy I won't be trapped here all day. Thank you o' Lord.

I am sick of working on my resume. I like it. I'm ready to mail it pending some peer approval. So now I think I will look through what I captured in the way of networks this morning with Audrey.

GRDAP1 is the one that's right around the corner, just out of reach. If I wasn't so lazy I might drive over there and leech it. But the parking lot is probably filling up now with staff so it would be a bad time to idle there. Well aren't we proud. Congratulations, you WEP'd it dudes. What we are seeing here is the Goofus and Gallant of networking. The upper guy WEP'd everything, the lower guy secured nothing. These buildings are only about 300 feet apart. Perhaps they thought the SSID was their biggest concern, so they hid it. That will make it harder to connect surely. But still pretty easy to grab data from.

My capture runneth over! Damn you Cisco and your clever WiFi traps! I forgot Cisco has an office up this way. As I pass it on the freeway I am bombarded with hundreds of non-existent access points all at once. It makes me want to go exploring Cisco even more. If I could make my way through this haze, and attack their network anyway, wouldn't I be cool? Bah, I'm sure any real AP's in there are WEP'd.

3m3ra1d - DUDE J00 ARE TEH L33T!!!

ashlandscales - I can't be 100 percent sure, but I think this access point is attached to a weigh station for the highway patrol. It would make sense. I understand some trucks are WiFi equipped to provide quick trade offs of information for their "home base".

Sounds like a nickname for 'giving someone the finger' doesn't it? The FlyingJ is a gas station and also an eatery. It's one of those havens for truckers that slightly resembles the Star Wars Cantina. Among other things, they feature 2 full service counters, a foodery, baked goods, a CB shop, DVD selections, pay showers, and an Internet Station. These are little booths that you chuck 5 bucks into and then you can surf the web for a while. Silly. Sillier yet, is that you can sit in their parking lot and use their connection for free. Save the five bucks and put it towards some of those silver ladies mud flaps in aisle 3.

Hello Mr. Car Salesman. I would like to purchase a car at cost. I have those figures here with me. If you will not sell me the car at cost, I am afraid I will have to mail these figures to your past 200 customers. They may be irritated when they find what your markup is on these vehicles.

A neighborhood that would like to be explored. Applejacks? But if it doesn't taste like apples, why do you like it? Them: "We just do, all right?". Sorry. That was an Apple Jacks cereal commercial joke.

Now here is something interesting. I have had people ask me "Ray, if the SSID is hidden how do you connect to it?". My answer is generally, "if I look under the networks available, there are blank lines I can click on".

But then the SSID must not be hidden, it must be blank. If it's hidden, I should be asked to put in the SSID. So look at the above picture. We have a blank one, a hidden one (its' marked hidden) and then another blank. Odd. Perhaps I have been confusing "hidden" with "blank". I will have to explore this on my next war-driving expedition. Hopefully Discount Man and I will hold one this weekend.

That is about the extent of the interesting things I found this morning. I have spared you the countless 'linksys' and 'default' SSID's I came across. Not bad considering I hit every one of those from a highway where I was passing them at 80 MPH. You see, these things WANT to be explored. They are calling out to me as I speed by them.

Current Mood: Comfortably numb.
Musical Inspirations: Moby's 18 album, and Lord's Of Acid's Lust (The Most Wonderful Girl) I WANNA TOUCH MYSALF'!!

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