Thursday, September 23, 2004

They Blinded Me With (Computer) Science
This past week has been a real blur. Come to think of it, these past few months have been a blur. I've really had my head into my various projects and studies. It's not healthy, and it usually takes my wife to tell me that there seems to be a problem. I feel like a druggie sometimes because I deny that I spend too much time on my fruitless projects. Then I try to think back, and really scrutinize what I have done with my time. It's truely manic depression. I hate calling it that, because "depressed" is not how I see myself. But many years ago, when I heard manic depression explained, I got a lump in my throat. In fact, if I go far enough back in my own Blog I will see that I dicusses this with myself a year or more ago. I have come full circle!

I have definitely wasted away a lot of good hours and made my family feel ignored. For that, I feel pretty lousy. And while I am trying to correct these minor mind glitches, and stay "un-plugged" for a while ... my employer is chasing me around yelling at me to take two exams before the end of this month (which is just about here).

I have been sick this past week with the flue. I come home every day after having taught my Network Plus class, and just crash out. Every day this week, I have some home, crashed on a couch, ate, and then gone to bed. Every morning I wake up thinking that this flue is gone. Then, an hour or so later, I am drinking down thera-flue. Blah!

A few days ago, one of my students stumbled across my Blog because I used in an example for DNS during class. It never really occured to me that I use from time to time in classroom discussions. That wouldn't be so bad, but the web site has a few pictures of me, and it links right to this very Blog. I suppose it's probably not good for a student to come here and read about me trashing my company. Which is what happened.

It was quite embarassing. Not just because I trash my employer on a regular basis here, but because I am a different person when I go to work. At times, my alter ego (Ray Dios Haque) slips out and before I know it I am showing my students incriminating facts about what I do in my spare time. But for the most part, I play the role of "Steve the instructor". Steve the instructor loves his job, pays his taxes, and always enjoys teaching! Steve is also financially stable, of course. And there is never trouble at home.

I think this week has been a bit of a coming out for me. I can't hide forever in this part that I play for my co-workers. It only breaks me down inside. Yet, I am not entirely the character I play here either (as Ray). I have become a pretty good actor for everyone that I know and I'm not sure why I can't just be myself. I sometimes think that my wife is about the only one that really knows me. The real me. Not the many parts I play.

Well, that's enough psycho-analysis for me. I need to spend some time with my daughter. We were going to do a special activity at her school tonight, and when we got there we found out that it's next week. Woops. We are going to paint her nails! :-) Girl stuff is cool.

Before I go, I just want to say that I am glad my wife is understanding of me. She may not understand why I disappear into a laptop for hours. But she knows that I love her, and I have a re-occurring problem with what can only be described as manic depression. Thanks for keeping me around, babe. ;-)

Oh, and I started a discussion forum on Nothing fancy. Head over to and check it out!

Current Mood: Still sick (in more ways than one), but feeling better.
Musical Inspiration: None at the moment.

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