Wednesday, January 12, 2005

Airline Disaster
I invision an airplane getting ready to touch down into a forrest. The wings are clipping the trees. Everyone is putting on their oxygen masks. But not management. They are riding in first class, and somehow they don't think their side of the plane will explode into flames in the next few minutes. They are busy forecasting the market ahead.

"What can we do for the airline industry for disaster awareness training?". "I'll put together a flier", says marketing. "We can hold a meeting next friday and discuss it". Then there's HR, "it will probably be eight o' clock before I get off this plane and I live an hour from here *sigh*". Organizational growth reports, "The airline industry is finding more money to spend since the 911 disaster. We can put together a pie chart". An eager new executive shouts, "we could respond to starving countries in Asia with a food drive!".

Then one consultant approaches management as he straps on a parachute. He notes, "gentlemen we should probably put on parachutes. We have seen in the field that it hurts less when you hit the ground under one of these". But management detected a note of sarcasm. And after several e-mails around the company through their Blueberries, the task of distributing parachutes was never completed. It is decided that 'parachute distribution' will be covered at next Tuesday's meeting.

The consultants, one by one, depart out of the rear of the airplane pulling their chute cords as they jump. One consultant (experienced in parachuting) trains the others as they go.

A member of management stands up and declares "Jesus! We're in trouble!". Silence falls over the board of management. "We are damn near out of peanuts and Coke!". Over the course of the next few minutes, the management team pours over the airlines accounting records in an attempt to find how the peanuts and Coke could be better distributed. Bird-like shadows fall over the management team as parachuting workers pass the window on their decent into the sky. Management seems not to notice.

One member of management suddenly drops his bag of peanuts and chokes, spitting a coke and peanut mixture all over the nice leather seats. "Holy shit!", he declares, "this plane is going to crash!". Without warning, he is thrown from the plane and sent sailing to the ground. The consultant who is getting ready to leap notices the manager sailing toward the ground to his death. He asks, "what happened to that guy?". A new team manager steps forward and proclaims, "although we honor his years of service ... we feel he was a poor fit for our future plans ... we decided to seperate him from the team". The consultant shrugs, turns, and leaps off the plane ejecting his parachute.

As the nose of the plane touched down (ever so slightly) a loud explosion was heard, and flames began to rush through the cabin to seal the management teams doom. As flames engulfed them, one member could be heard saying to another, "what happened? We planned everything so well! We had meetings! We talked about how to react to this!". Another manager frowned and replied, "Don't blame yourself, it must have been the plane. It was the plane that took us down into the trees".

Insurance Disaster
As you have read, my family has not been at it's healthiest lately. My poor wife has been in an out of various doctor offices for the past few weeks in a fight against pneumonia. Imagine our surpise when we went to have her prescriptions filled and we were told, "you have not had insurance since December 31st". It seems our HR consultant left out a small detail as we all were switching Insurance companies. The insurance we used to have ... had been cancelled. This lead us to wonder, "who will pay all these medical bills?".

After a conversation with my wonderful HR department of one, I learned that we were not supposed to file any claims with the old carrier because they would be "mad about it". She added that she had sent out a memo telling us all to discontinue the use of our old insurance cards. I am still waiting for that memo. When I added a sense of urgency to the matter, I was given a printout with my insurance plan number and some other trivial information. "Good", I thought, "this is what I need!".

After an hour or so at the Kroger Pharmacy this morning, the very kind and patient clerk made a strange face to the person at the other end of the phone and hung up stating, "okay ... I'll tell him". She went on to tell me that not only had I married a man (my wife had been filed as an M and not an F), but my insurance would only cover mailed in prescriptions ... maybe. She had gotten so much of the run-around from this new carrier, that she told me I probably shouldn't believe much of anything that they told her.

And so I bought my wifes drugs without the insurance covering a dime. The cost was roughly 13 dollars more than I would have paid having had the insurance coverage and a co-pay. Yet, I have five more prescriptions to fill, and only four days to do it.

When I arrived to work today, I took a quick look around for my HR representative and found her in a conference room. She was meeting with a few management members about "who knows what". Most likely, they were discussing what to do about the lighting timers in the parking lot. It's a high priority issue aparently. I sent her an e-mail detailing the importance of filling my wife's prescriptions using words such as quick to immediate "organ failure" (which is no stretch to the thruth).

After her pow-wow she popped into the office I have vacated, and let me know that she had sent my information to Bill with the insurance company, who will be contacting me directly in the next hour or two. She also added, "you will still have to pay for those prescriptions" ... "it will just be after the discount". Well, thank you Captain Obvious, of Delta Airlines flight number #127!

Right now folks, I am putting on a parachute and working on my resume.

Current Mood: Pissed Off
Musical Inspiration: Mannie Fresh!

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