Ironic Airline Disasters

Two weeks ago, I found myself strapped into the seat of an aircraft. I pulled my knees in tight, and could barely fit them into the confined area that would be my uncomfortable home for the next hour or so. As I waited, I watched out the window as two men pulled up in a large squarish vehicle. They pulled out a long hose and began spraying the plane down with "de-icing fluid". It looked a lot like some sort of silly movie prop. There were two large meters, one red and one green. They were labled "FUEL", and "DEICE". As they sprayed it across the wings, I hoped that they hadn't gotten the tanks mixed up. This would be my first flight, ever. The weather was horrible, and the pilot kept coming on the intercom and apologizing for the delay. We sat at the start of a short runway, waiting for several minutes. About the time I reached for my iPod, the plane suddenly jerked into gear, and shot down the runway at a hundred miles an hour. Before I knew it, I was airborne and I watched the airport shrink away.

I was on my way to Chicago, where I would rush to a second airplane which would take me all the way to California. There, I would acquire my rental car, and drive it to a hotel about 24 miles from the airport. As I sat on the plane, trying to look through the fog, I was all ready feeling out of my element. My wife and kids had dropped me off at the airport. And I was all ready calculating the time until I would be flying home to reunite with them. I was setting out for what became the lonliest week of my life. For those that travel all of the time, I tip my hat to you. Travel it seems, is not for me.

When I arrived, I found my rental car, and drove it to the hotel following the many maps and directions my wife had printed for me. Once I arrived to the hotel, I broke open my suit-case and pulled out a fine Dinty Moore dinner. I believe it was turkey and stuffing. This trip had cost us every dollar we had. About $760 in all. Seeing how I would be in California for a week, and without cash, we had decided to pack food for my trip. We had received a gift card to Meijers for an Anniversary gift, and we blew the entire $50 on my weeks worth of packable food. About half of my suit case was clothing. The other half, Dinty Moore dinners, Ramen noodles, Little Debbies, and Peanuts. It worked well. But by day two, I was beginning to miss "real food". Even more I was missing the sights and smells of home. By the end of the week, I felt like I "smelled like California". I don't know if it was the water, the dirty hotel, or the cheap no-name soap.

Monday morning I arrived to the training center in Brea California. I was about an hour and a half early, which was okay. California was three hours behind Ohio, and I was having a hard time adjusting. I got into bed about 10:00PM every night, and I was waking up at 5:00AM. Once I got into the training center, I found my way into the classroom and began to get ready for class. I had never taught the class before, but had lied to get the job. The real problem is that I lacked the funds to buy new hardware when my old computer died. So I was unable to prepare to teach the class by practicing the labs and 'demonstrations'. Every day before and after class, I would rip through the student materials and attempt to learn every lab and demonstration, so that I wouldn't look like a fool when I tried to walk them through it.

I clearly did not belong in California. This class was a bit out of my league. But, I buckled down and struggled through the week. It was only 6 days, right? Tuesday afternoon, I developed a memorable headache. A strange turn of weather brought in storms to an otherwise dry and desolate area of California. The drastic shift, had put some sort of curse upon my sinus's. Thankfully my wife had thought to pack sinus pills for me, but I had left them back at the hotel. By late afternoon, the headache had turned into a migrane, and I was doing my best to continue with the class and not vomit. I asked the students if anyone had aspirin, and one student produced a small brightly colored pill with black numbering. "It's got a little Xanex on it", he said. I shrugged, and happilly choked down the pill. Within half an hour, I was feeling noticably better. An hour later, I felt great.

By the time I got back to my hotel, I was feeling simply wonderful. I put a call in to my wife to tell her how good I was feeling, and then I headed out to explore the neighborhood. My hotel was positioned in a poor, spanish speaking community. It was not the safest place for me to wonder around, and I stuck out like a sore thumb. Just a block or two from my hotel was a 99 cent store, and a neighboring thrift shop. I ended up buying a pocket knife, a roll of electrical tape, a coax VCR cable, and a 3-liter bottle of "Dr. Stripes" soda. Back at the hotel, I watched Charlies Angel's II on HBO (one of the worst films ever made) and while it played I consumed an entire can of Pringles chips. When done, I sat down at my personal 'dining table' and crafted a make shift cantenna. It was probably the weakest cantenna I had ever created, but it allowed me to get that extra decibal or two that I desperately needed. Once connected, I was able to gain access to an access point across the street from the hotel in a shop called "Kopy Kats". The unlikely hosts provided my free wireless access for the remainder of the week.

I awoke the next morning feeling a bit on the miserable side. The can of Pringles had given me an upset stomach, and the fact that the week was not even half way over, weighed heavy on my mind. It's as if the sinking depression I was feeling before had found it's way back to me. When my students rolled in for class, the one who had given me the "aspirin" the day before asked, "so how was the Xanex?". And so it seems the aspirin that might have had Xanex on it, was actually Xanex, which might have had aspirin on it. It worked really well and I wished I had another four days worth of it.

Friday afternoon I finished class, and headed back toward my hotel. I had completed class early, and I would have all night to sit and watch cable TV. I had tried to keep myself busy every night by studying the course materials for the following day. But, I wouldn't have that to do. I couldn't call my wife, because she would be out for the next few hours having dinner with her father (for his birthday). As I drove past a local Regal Cinema theater, I jerked the wheel and headed to the ticket booth. This was opening day for the Hitchhikers Guide To the Galaxy - the movie. A film which I had ben waiting for since eigth grade. I got a ticket, headed into the theater, and found a nice seat.

I can't recall ever going to a movie by myself, and what I thought would make me feel better only made me more lonely. But the movie was good, and it wasted some time. I needed that. The following morning, I rushed to pack my bags. I drove to the airport, got my boarding pass and got ready to fly home. I was a bit early though. My flight was at 12:30, and it was only 8:25. I ended up marching all around the airport finally finding the Hitchhikers Guide to The Galaxy book. I had actually downloaded the book onto Audrey (the laptop). Yet, Audrey was not the best laptop for travel. You see, during Audreys departure from the Columbus International Airport, she had excited several security agents who had mistaken her for a bomb. In an effort to avoid such embarassment when returning home, I decided to bury Audrey deep in my suitcase. This of course left me waiting for the plane with nothing to do. Buying the book, and reading it certainly helped pass the time.

Hours later, I climbed off the plane and dashed through the airport to meet my wife and father who had come to pick me up. It was a great feeling to be on my way home. And it would be the last time that I ever ventured across the world on my own again. My wife and I had never spent much more than two days apart. Being apart for a solid week was miserable. Hanging out with my kids, and spending the next day with my wife was bliss.

The next week I would be teaching in town, and this coming week I won't be far from home. I have a couple of weeks of training work booked, and no desire or need to travel again any time soon. In fact, once the checks begin to roll in for the work I have done in the past few weeks, it will be the most money my wife and I have ever had. It will be nice to put something in the bank, make my car payments on time, and ultimately quit my part time job. Hooray!

So, it's late. I'm going to read over my materials for this coming weeks class.

Historic Comments
Hey Ray, didn't think you were still alive. Glad to see you're making ends meet. Keep writing


later,
_cipher
_cipher | Homepage | 05.08.05 - 11:55 am | #

I'm surprised that they didn't take Audrey from you. With your dongle and stuff taped on, I would have called in the bomb squad. And Jarassic park 3 is probally the worst movie ever.
Bird603568 | 05.08.05 - 11:03 pm | #

Umm... you want some Xanex?
Poe | 05.09.05 - 10:10 pm | #

Xanax makes you REALLY tired after it's main active phase of effect when taken. I don't mean sleepy - I mean you are exhausted. It's highly addictive and a really bad idea to take unless you suffer from severe panic attacks.

Fight the drug-haze people . . . Ray, drink camomile tea.
Anonymous | 05.09.05 - 10:27 pm | #

Its not that addictive and its used for more than just panic attacks. It relaxes you, similar to a valium, thats why you felt so great, your anxiety was gone. Although, I've never seen a xanax(
magikgrl | Homepage | 05.10.05 - 11:32 am | #

well, that sucked, half my comment got cut off. Anyway, never seen a bright colored xanax with black writing their usually little football shaped pills in a peach or a blue color.
magikgrl | Homepage | 05.10.05 - 11:34 am | #

Maybe it was extra strong or laced with something. :D
Poe | 05.10.05 - 12:46 pm | #

I had not been here for a while and now I feel guilty! I am glad that you have managed to land on your feet after the layoff.

Keep the entries comming!

Rich
evil rich | 05.12.05 - 9:54 am | #

Hopefully you'll read this Ray, just checking in. I found myself wondering that happened to the crew from #thebroken.

I'm glad to see you finally got out of that job.
conundrum | 05.26.05 - 2:47 am | #

Knock knock...you around?
magikgrl | Homepage | 06.10.05 - 3:05 pm | #

Landing Safely

I can see that the key to landing in a parachute is careful planning. Pulling the strap at a good time will ensure that your chute has time to open, and you will come to the ground softly. Having your chute strapped on, and checking all the various loops and buckles is equally important.

So I was laid off. I'm not sure that my metaphor spelled that out entirely. Here, I will tell the whole story.

Moneday I came to work to sit in another Novell course. My employer (past employer that is) had been eager for me to teach new Novell courses involving SuSE Linux. I was obliged to do it, because I was not looking forward to weeks and weeks of teaching Windows XP and Server 2003 courses. After having passed a couple of exams I was offically blessed by Novell and ready to go. However, after teaching the first of three courses it was obvious that I had no stories to tell about production use of this product as it was entirely new stuff ... and nobody was using it yet. Because Novell had been filling the courses with students without much help from the training center, they decided to send out their own instructors to deliver the course. There haven't been many of these courses taught, and the trainers so far had been Novell veterans who had actually sat around and wrote the curriculum (which by the way, isn't very good).

After sitting in the second course as a student a few weeks ago, I could see that it wasn't the instructor that was a problem, it was the awful curriculum. In fact, the instructor that came out seemed to have less experience with Linux than I did, and made several mistakes in explaining material to the students (which they corrected him on). And so this past Monday was the third course to be taught, and it was delivered by yet a different instructor (another Novell veteran of 12 years). This guy had it together pretty well, but was obviously struggling with the lack of material.

Novell did something awful with these three courses that are supposed to flow together like buttah'. The first five day course could be taught in two days (but was five), the second course should have been more like 8 (but was five) and the third course seemed like another two day (but was five). At any rate, the first day was VERY slow, and seemed more like review of the first two courses (only lighter) even though this was supposed to be the most dificult. Blah. Halfway through the morning, my IQ hadn't been risen and all I was getting bored. So I decided to invest my time in studying for my CISSP. At some point in the afternoon, I saw one of my colleagues standing outside of the classroom waving me out. He looked a little nervous.

"About what time do you think class will finish today?", he asked.
"Probably around four I think".
"Okay", he said, "let's meet for a few minutes if we can".

Let me tell you something about Matt. He is completely opposed to meetings. He believes any metting that runs on more than half an hour is a waste of everyones time. He also believes that having a meeting, for the sake of having a meeting, is the worst business concept EVER. I tend to agree. So the fact that he was wanting to get together, and he was noticably shaken was a sign that I may not be back for class on Tuesday. When I returned to the classroom, I checked the clock. I thought, "if I start formatting my laptop's hard drive now, it will have passed at least one low level before I have to return it". But maybe I was being silly. I waited.

After class was finished I came to grab Matt. "I finished early", I said, "you have a few minutes?". To which he replied, "I'm not really ready yet, can you give me until four?". Now I was pretty sure of what was to come. At four o' clock I stepped into a conference room to meet with Matt, the "CIO" guy, and the HR woman. I dropped my notebook on the desk, smiled, and said "Well?". I knew what was coming. They knew I knew, and I think they were probably a bit more shaken by laying me off than I was.

It seems as if it had been raining for days. I mean DAY's. We actually had floods here in Ohio from the horrible cold rain and snow mixture. But Monday afternoon, I stepped out into the light and the sunshine about blinded me. With the sun on my shoulders, a box of my laptop bags contents, and my lunch container kicking along I waltzed to my car feeling like a freed prisoner. These past few weeks I have wondered how I might escape this company to do something different. How could I go work for myself, and not be sued under my non-compete contract with that prison? Laying me off was probably the greatest thing to happen to me in years. While I still have to abide by my non-compete contract, my previous employer has expressed their "understanding" in this matter. They would like for me to call them about work that I get, and clear it with them first. I understand. They don't want me competing with them in this area. That's fine mby me. I can travel!

Before I walked out the door I tried unsuccessfully to get my wife on the phone. So once I arrived to Best Buy to work my second job I got on the "Free Phone" inside. "Remember when I asked you how you would feel about me working for myself?" I asked he. "Yeah", she said, "I'll support it. Why?". "Well ... because from today forward, I work for myself!".

"You were fired?".
"Fired is a strong word. More like ... laid off".
"Are you serious?"
"Yeah"
"Oh my God"
"Yeaaah ... but it's all good, right? I didn't like that job anyway".

Sounding a little broken spirited, she replied "we'll figure it out ... we always do". And then I went to work doing my usual Geek Squad stuff. Tomorrow will be a new day, I thought.

The following morning I hopped out of bed, dashed to the basement and got right to work on my resume and bio. In fact, I wouldn't finish it until late that night. But by Wednesday I was shooting it out like a madman to anyone that would take it. By Thursday I had made contact with two training brokers, and landed a job with (of all people) my OLD employer. Yeah, crazy isn't it?

I don't like to burn my bridges. In fact, I doused this bridge with water, and sprayed it down with a flame retarded coating. When I was laid off, I shook hands with the HR woman and CIO guy before slipping away with Matt. Matt and I were co-workers, but also good friends. Being appointed the "training manager" he had his first duty which was to lay me off. I felt really bad for the guy, becuase I could see that he didn't agree with the decision, and hell ... we were buds. He extended an offer of writing me a letter of recommendation, and I offered to send him my resume and keep in touch.

Just a day later, I was e-mailing everyone I had been working with on various projects to keep them moving. After all, these people knew me, and I do good work! I could probably get some return business with them rather easily. And I did. I have booked an A+ class on the 18th, and I will be getting paid contractor rates. Let me tell you friends, those rates are pretty respectable. If I work two weeks a month at what I will be making in a week from now, I will only have to work two weeks a month (and actually make a little more).

Sure there are downsides to this "working for yourself". Like, "paying your own taxes", and "coming up with insurance". My wife has all ready worked to find the same insurance I had with my previous employer for a little less cost. Amazing. I called my father (the CPA) who says "keep a quarter of every dollar in a savings account, and you will be fine".

It's all working out! Really! Now, I have to get back to work. Being unemployed is like ... a lot of work and stuff! More to come.

Current Mood: The Glass is Half Full!
Musical Inspiration: No Music! I might miss a phone call.


Historic Comments
Well I am gald to hear that things are looking up for you. I remember you from thebroken and a lot of guys still talk about you once and while over a computerhelpforum.org.

I don't have your nack for writting but reading your blog made me want to start my own. Thanks and again congrats on landing on your feet. Not a lot of people can do that after being laid off.
Bobo | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 12:12 pm | #

Now watch the beauty of the flaming plane crashing into the ground. Just remember to put money away for taxes. Taxes are hell.
Poe | 04.05.05 - 6:51 pm | #

This makes sense. If you flipped out when you got layed off then they might have presed charges if you set fire. It's like when somebody calls you an asshole and you say ok thanks your your input.
Bird603568 | 04.05.05 - 9:45 pm | #

Hey, I haven't been avoiding you about the webhosting stuff, but not to long ago I was laid off as well. So, lately i've been trying to setup a business, as well as lay the ground work for another. I apologize, my friend is being a dick about it... but i'll convince him!
Apex | Homepage | 04.05.05 - 10:15 pm | #

Hey dude - you completely skipped over the bit where the HR Girl and CIO give you the bad news! Come-on, give us the detail . . . jumping straight to a weather report at the crucial moment was insensitive.
Anonymous | 04.05.05 - 10:20 pm | #

Thats great Ray, now you can finally be happy with what your doing and make some money! At least your happy thats all that matters.
magikgrl | Homepage | 04.06.05 - 12:24 pm | #

Good to hear that things are going well for you Ray. Ol' Uncle Phrighty knew you'd pull out in time and deliver. Keep the faith brother and remember you come from a family of the best phreakers to have ever existed.

If anyone out there is ever looking for work do check out local Credit Unions and their IT department. Sure, the pay isnt top notch but I will tell you that you can NOT fuck with the benefits. They pay for themselves a million times over. Plus, Credit Unions never get bought out, they are just "acquired" so there is never a fear of losing your job due to a corporate merge/takeover.

Just my two cents. Kiss the wife for me.

- Uncle Phrighty - Credit Union Sys Admin
Uncle Phrighty | 04.07.05 - 3:49 pm | #

That is great news dude! I wish I could get laid off from my job too. I am glad to hear that you are a free man. Good luck!
Mogwai | Homepage | 04.08.05 - 2:33 pm | #

Good luck on your new business ventures.
JT | 04.08.05 - 9:37 pm | #

Er ... hello? Twenty three days since the last post. Way to treat your readers!
Anonymous | 04.28.05 - 1:44 am | #

Airline Disaster Part II

The plane was going down. Everyone knew. Those who had known what happens when planes crash with people inside of them, had all ready strapped on parachutes and jumped off. At some point I became distracted by the beutiful bright sunshine. It was much warmer outside than it had been, and a cool spring breeze poured over me as it teased my hair and deafened me while it roared by in all directions. My attention was then again on the plane. It was becoming ever smaller as it headed into the distance, shooting flames from all sides.

Had I been blind to what was going on? It seems in my careful documentation of what was to come, I myself had not strapped on a parachute and taken the jump. Yet, I was now outside of the plane, shooting towards the earth. It was obvious now. I had been pushed off of the plane. Perhaps I should have planned for this event. Still, as I plumeted toward the ground I did not fear death. I had been freed. Granted, I would soon crash into the ground never to be found or heard from again. But what would my outcome have been in the plane? I looked again at my surroundings. I had the whole world beneath me, and I was free.

With confidence, and a smile, I begain to strap on my parachute. I would not become a victim of the crash. The plane was now out of sight, and out of mind. Would I hear it crash in the distance? It no longer concerned me. Or did it? Smoe of the people on that plane weren't so bad. Perhaps they were victims of the pilot and each other. Would things have gone the same had they all been in the plane together? Focus! The earth was qucikly approaching me. My parachute on, I grabbed the cord.

I've never parachuted before. How soon until I pull the cord? Careful planning is in order. What will happen next?

Progress

It was tough dragging my ass out of bed this morning. I was in no hurry to start another week of working the day job, then running to the part time gig immediately after. The good news is that I am "sitting" as a student in another SuSE class this week. It's nice, because it gives me time to study and maybe even goof off a little bit when the instructor is covering stuff I know all too well (like right now!).

I had a lovely three day weekend for Easter, and man was I looking forward to it. I had the night off from Best Buy Friday, and so I called off my day job since I had only taught two days earlier in the week. I had a list of things that needed done and I think I got most of that accomplished. Foolishly, I left my laptop in lock up at my day job Thursday night. Then I remembered that my desktop PC back home hasn't worked in weeks. I either have a bad processor, or a bad motherboard. Reguardless, it's trash now. I hadn't used my little old buddy lately (my old iBook) so it was good to show her some attention and drag her around all weekend. Friday morning I got started on finishing the kitchen floor. I began tiling it a few weeks ago, and since then I have had a refrigerator in the middle of my kitchen, and torn up vinyl shit covering one third of the room. My wife has been kind not to bother me about it (I have been working a lot), but I know it had to be bugging her. So while it's still not done as of Monday morning, I just have some grouting to do and it's a done deal!

I had also planned on getting the Bug back on the road. It's been sitting in my driveway with an "electrical problem" for the past few weeks. Meanwhile, I have been keeping the Honda all day long and leaving my wife locked up at home. After screwing around an hour or so with a multi-meter I found that my semi-functional light in my car was probably the root of my dead battery problem. I unhooked it, and wrapped it with tape. Now ... I have to let it sit a day or so and try to start it again. Wish me luck.

I did a bit of studying over the weekend too. I got it in my head that I need the CISSP certification. I have tossed around the thought of getting it just for resume use and bragging rights. But as I get closer and closer to the door (quitting this job) I realise how important it will be to have it. Doing a search through a good search engine like indeed.com (thank you Poe) I found all the jobs that I am interested in. But hell, do I really want to work for another corporate entity? Not really.

I think ideally, I want to work for myself. I have bumped into some instructors recently that I used to work with, and they make some seriously good money. It seems, I can make several hundred bucks a day doing the same thing I do now, which is teach. Sure, there are downsides like ... staying in work. And not having health insurance. Of course, with this new "plan" that my company is on, I am paying all my own medical bills anyway ... plus $150 a paycheck for the so called "insurance". It has been hailed as "insurance for people who don't use insurance". I think that's pretty accurate.

What would it take to be self employed? A few months, and a leap of faith I think. As of now, I am trying to catch up on my mortgage payments. Once that's been done, my income could be a bit more flexible. I would also need to make some arrangements with brokers, and training centers to set up some work relationships. I can't very well do that now, or I will certainly be sued for breaking my "non-compete" agreement. You know, I wouldn't want to bite the hand so to speak. For that matter, my employer may not want me to leave. If they don't want to release me, that non compete agreement will still be good. I think I may just be able to convince my employer that releasing me from my employment here and hiring me when they need to will benefit us all. My utilization here has been so low lately, that they are usually losing money on having me here.

So, I can see some of you are anxious to see my 21 day play. I think it may be more of a six month plan. Not because I am procrastinating, but because I am realistic. In the next 21 days I would like to have studied enough to go out and take the CISSP exam. I've heard of people that have worked six months to get ready for this test. That seems excessive to me. I think a month or so is plenty of time to absorb it all. I need to also convince my employer that they need to pay for it. That shouldn't be tough. They have talked about having me teach security related courses anyhow. This will be a good investment.

Real Life

So what's going on in real life? You know, the life that I have when I am not working. Yesterday my wife and I celebrated our 10 year aniversary. We didn't do much to celebrate. But then we are having a party in mid April. Originally, my mother was going to watch my kids so that my wife and I could go out Saturday night. That fell through. It didn't upset me, because my mother has been going through some medical issues. I would later learn that she called off the sitting job, to go to the zoo with my sister for some "easter bash" where you can watch gorillas eat hard boiled eggs. My wife was a little ticked off too.

I'm a little worried about my mom right now. She found "a lump". It wouldn't be the first false alarm that she has had with lumps. But this one is in her breast, and her doctor didn't seem to think it was a cyst. She is going Wedneday to get it checked out and I am a little nervous about the news I am going to get back.

Aside from my mother's scare, my wife is going through termoil with her mother who can't care for herself. She has rendered herself completely helpless with obesiety, and there aren't a lot of answers for "what to do with her". At the same time, her grandparents are having what I consider to be 'genuine' health problems.

We all got together for the usual easter celebration at my wifes grandparents house. It was a bit uncomfortable, and there were a few nasty words between the grandparents and my wifes mother. I can feel for the grandparents. They are in their upper seventies, and beginning to have some health issues and concerns of their own. Yet, they have to worry about what their daughter is doing with herself, who is in her fifties. She has become a victim of her own doing, and they know it. She plays a victim every chance she gets, and digs for attention. She definitely has some mental health issues, but the family has tried to help her for years and they are all sick of trying.

Aside from what my wife called "the grumps", it was a nice time. The kids got to do their easter egg hunt, and we took some nice pictures of everyone. I would like to share some with my Blog vistors, but as you can tell by the stripped down appearance of my blog ... I am 'between' web hosts as of now. My wifes grandparents also bought a gigantic aniversary cake, which will take the next six months to eat! It was very thoughtful.

That's all that's new in my world. I had better get my head back into this class now. Or back to the books if this class doesn't move forward sometime this century. I have quite a bit of reading to do.

Losing My Religion

Over the past few weeks, I have been deeply depressed with my job. Since I haven't been teaching, the only day I have come to my day job on time all week was Tuesday ... because we had a meeting and I would be missed. I was supposed to be in Best Buy Sunday morning for a two hour meeting there and I completely blew that off. After drinking the majority of a 5 liter mini-Coors Light keg the night before, I just wasn't in the mood to get up at 6:00AM and drive across town to learn how I can better sell service plans (and other retarded duties that have nothing to do with my work there). I found out last night that one of the Geek Squad guys showed up to the meeting late, and caught hell about it. There was talk about punishing me too, but it seems to have been forgotten now. I never heard a word about it.

I sat down for lunch Tuesday afternoon with an old friend, Matthew Curtin. Matt taught me some basic things about UNIX and C many, many years ago when we were both much younger. These days Matt runs a very interesting company titled Interhack (interhack.com). As founder and CEO, Matt has built a company that sells security. And by "selling security", I mean that his team shows up to your front door and installs everything needed to secure your company. Also, being an expert in his field he is often called upon by government entities to tell them what they should be doing. Neat.

I long to work for a company like Interhack. It sounded like a YMCA for adult male hackers. As much as I wanted to come up and see his office, I didn't want to intrude and I had also run out of meter time. As I walked to my car, I found that my meter time had run out ... and I had a nice $20 parking violation to pay. Woops.

I later e-mailed Mr. Curtin explaining that I would love to come work for him if he could ever find a place for me. Knowing that I am completely unqualified for the job, I threw out a couple of words like "internship", and "cheap labor". Who knows. If nothing else, I would love to have lunch with him again. Next time I won't have to search for the place and I can bring more meter change.

Looking back, I think the timing of my meeting with Mr. Curtin was not accidental. I imagine if I were a religious person, I would wander into a church and talk to a priest through a screened booth. But, I have no faith in any religious entity. My lack of faith is in no way spiritual. I need a technological priest. Perhaps this is why I sought out Mr. Curtin. He had given me faith once in technology and I was counting on him to do it again. At the same time, I was looking for a way out of my two jobs. I am at the point in my career where I am ready to drop everything and walk away.

Aside from going to the eyedocter, having lunch with old friends, and avoiding my job, I have been preparing to teach a class next week. Last week I taught a beginner SuSE Linux course which was pretty tame - and lame. This next week I was slated to teach the "Advanced" SuSE Linux course. And it actually is advanced!. My experience with SuSE is slim to none, and learning this material for the sake of delivering it ... really stinks. While I have learned a ton, and studied insanely I don't know that I am ready to teach this class.

Halfway through the week I was told that a guy from Novell was free next week, and was coming to co-teach my class. As I attempted to get details about what was going on I found that no one has any idea of what is happening with this class. Today I finally was able to get a phone number for this guy and I gave him a ring. It seems he was planning on teaching the class. No help from me. I am overjoyed. Now, I can sit in the class like a student and see how he is going to teach it. I'm glad I forced myself to prepare to teach this class. If I knew that this guy was going to do the class, I probably would have been goofing off all week. Now, I can coast through the lessons and "play student". The next time I actually teach this class, it will be much easier, and the pressure will be off! I can look forward to the weekend. God Bless.

And so ... what AM I doing with my career? Other than updating my resume, and pouring over job sites I have made zero progress. I know I can't count on someone handing me a job. But the more I look for a job, the more discouraged I become. I seem to have the wrong collection of job skills right now. I need to stop, and refocus my studies (security, databases, etc). Perhaps I should be looking for a job that would have tuition benefits so that I can work on a college degree! Look! I'm planning something!

Allow me to take this moment, to thank the many random Best Buy customers who buy iPods and don't understand how to use them. Thanks to you all, my music collection is always growing. This week, I have been listening to some classic "The Who", and I will leave you with this ...

"But my dreams they aren't as empty
As my conscience seems to be
I have hours, only lonely
My love is vengeance
That's never free"

- The Who [it rhymes - so it must be poetry! {inside joke}]

My Happy Journal Entry

My wife and I went out to eat this past weekend with her aunt, uncle, cousins, and their husbands. The food was great, the wine was plentiful, and many great conversations were had. At some point during dinner, one my my wifes cousins brought up their late grandmothers journals. Aparently, Tess had filled quite a few journals in her lifetime always documenting her day. She said the journals were very repetitive, often just spoke of the weather, the dog, gardening, etc. But it seems every entry was a positive outlook. As if, she were her own source of inspiration. She spoke of how she admired such a quality. To always find something kind to say at the end of her day. Her cousin then went on to say "I've written some of the things I put in my journals, and they're all negative!". I couldn't say I disagreed. Looking back at some of the things I have written you would think I walked around miserable all the time.

It's strange how we use our journals to vent, isn't it? And so we concluded that we could all learn from Tess. Her positive outlook on life, in death, has had us all questioning the words we leave for others to stumble upon. What will they say about me when I am gone? Probably nothing nice. In fact, here I go abusing this journal once again ...

Where Has My Career Gone?

It must have been about 10:45PM when it occurred to me. I have hit an all time low in my carreer (if you can even call it that). Here I was driving home to my angry wife who had decided not to wait up for me. No wait, I need to take the scene back further ... say, 8:00PM. Like any other night, I was at the counter wearing my dirty blue shirt. Having been on the job since 5:20 or so, I had probably only speant 10 minutes or so working on computers. The entire time I had been on the job I was answering phones, checking returned items, sending vacuums to service, having customers yell at me about cell phones .. the usual. I was about at the end of my patience when the computer department manager came hopping up the desk.

The computer manager asks that I come back to the computer department and help a few customers. I was quite against the idea, which he was not happy with. I questioned why I should leave a full load of work (around 15 PC's waiting to be fixed) to go stand around the computer department. He said "my guys need help, just keep the customers busy for 7 minutes between sales!". I, am not a salesperson. I guess he wasn't aware. So I told him I was not a salesperson. That didn't seem to matter. "I know nothing about what we're selling, I don't think its a good idea", said I. "You can read the tags, can't you?" he asked. By this time, my disobedient nature had set him off. His eyes were popping out of his head, and his nostrils flaired a little. "So you want me to read the tags to customers? I don't think thats a good idea". To make a long argument short, I finally agreed to help out. My blood pressure was much higher than normal today, and I'm sure it was starting to show.

As I waltzed in and out of the aisles of the computer department, there wasn's a single person to help. I approached a couple of asian gentlemen, who didn't really want any assistance and hurried away when they saw me coming. I was done. I headed back to my bench to prepare for a new set of idiotic chores that don't involve actual PC repair. "Thanks!", he says, "was that so bad?". I knew it wouldn't end there. I knew I had angered the manager of my corner of Blue-Shirt-Topia.

About the time my co-worker and I were scheduled to leave, the angry sexually frustrated manager returned. He had decided that this would be the night that we were to clean the floors! Not the usual sweeping. We would MOP tonight! It seemed to be strange timing. Since I had been employed, the floors had never been mopped. And when I say "never", I'm talking several years. I gladly headed to the warehouse, filled a bucket, and got right to work. Playing mind games has never really bothered me, and this would certainly not be the night that I had a nervous mental brakedown. I decided that this would be the cleanest floor this store has ever seen.

Over the period of the next hour and a half, I slowly moved items long, restacking all of the customer repair items, pulling out buckets of cables, and removing shelves. Having done half of the area, I returned to the warehouse and refilled my bucket with clean water to do the other half. I felt a bit bad for my cohort, who was stranded with me. He probably could have left. It seemed strange that he had to hang around and watch me mop a floor. But then, if he went home, it would seem as if I were being punished in some silly fit of hostility from the manager. This was clearly not the case! This floor simply had to be cleaned, and it had to be tonight!

After finishing the floor, and admiring our good work, we headed into the parking lot. That floor mopping had cost the department about $28 of labor expenses in all. I think we made it worth their dollar. As I climbed into my car I remembered that I had needed a jump to get my car started earlier and so I hollared to my cohort to wait around and make sure I got away okay. Thankfully, I re-hooked my battery and started up no problem.

As I drove home this evening, I took a good long hard look at this mess I have put myself into. Every day, I go to work to a job that I will never advance in. Making pay that will never increase. When I am done there, I slap on a blue shirt so that my coworkers can make fun of me, and then head out to my second job where I choke down sinus pills and aspirin to make it through a night. I think that brings me to mopping floors.

Who am I doing this for? It's not for my family. They don't see me. I'm a stranger to my children, and my wife has practically given up on spending time with me. I am a run down, miserable, mess. A heart attack waiting to happen. An involuntary muscle in a blue shirt. I have abandoned all sense of pride, and my esteem disappeared a long time ago. This cycle has got to end.

It's time to find a new job. One job. One that I enjoy, and one where I only work 8 hours a day and then come home. I need to catch up with my family. I need to take time out and do something fun. I need to get a hold of my life.

Drinking and Testing

I spent most of the past few days studying for my next exam. My employer has asked that I become certified as a Novell Linux instructor. Being that they have been dropping the ax at the rate of once per week, it was an offer I couldn't afford to refuse! Besides ... when they finally fire me, I will have one more certification to my name, right?

So I have two immediate goals, one of which is complete. To obtain your Certified Novell Instructor status (for Linux courses) you must obtain either the: LPI, SuSE, or RedHat certification. You then send your proof of certificate-ship to Novell along with proof that you are a "real teacher". That base is covered. I have been a Certified Technical Trainer for many years now (now owned by CompTIA and called "CTT+"). I scanned that certificate and mailed it. So then it was onto one of the three Linux certs.

Since I had complete freedom in the Linux cert I chose, I went with the most vendor neutral; "Linux Professional Institute - Level 1". There are two exams one must pass to be LPI certified. After doing a couple of days of studying, I thought I was about ready. Plus, I needed to get a move on. They want me to teach a Novell class the week after next! I scheduled it for Friday afternoon.

Friday morning I came to work and got to studying as usual. Around noon I stood in the cafeteria and choked down my reheated lunch. And then ... I guess it was back to studying. With only a few hours left, I was starting to get that pre-exam anxious feeling which I hate. I really needed a beer. Then I saw some of my co-workers getting ready to leave for lunch. They were going to the Red Door Tavern. For those who don't know, the Red Door Tavern is a run-down, filthy, smelly old resteraunt up the road. The food is awful, the prices are outragous, and the service is downright disrespectful. Yet, they seem to turn quite a bit of business. I would never dare eat anything there, but I REALLY needed to get out.

So I followed the work gang off to the Red Door with one thing on my mind. A beer. Once we got there I could see that the selection on brew would be slim. This place actually had two bars (only one functional) and about five taps. Not wanting the usual beer I made a few requests. "Guiness?" Nope. "Becks Dark?" Nope. "Anything dark?". "Yes", the waitress replied, "We have Columbus Dark Nut Ale". Yum. Give me a big one!

Over the course of the next hour and 15 minutes that it took my cohorts to get their food, I slowly consumed 24 full ounces of dark stout ale. It was all of delicious. A full meal in itself.

After heading back to work, I began to see the err of my ways. My mind was filled with cob-webs. Had I consumed too much alcohol? Ah hell, of course not! 20 minutes before it was time to take the exam, I was beginning to get worried. I was ready for a nap. So I did what any beer-buzzed exam taker would do. I drank two consecutive mountain dews. But they could not compete with the dark ale which was consuming me.

As I stepped into the exam room, I was a bit worried. The test was said to be 65 questions, yet I learned it was more like 90. The extra questions were random "beta questions" which would go unscored. That's a lot of beta stuff. So I buckled down, and hammered through it. About 45 minutes in, I was all ready done, having answered all 90 questions. "Damn! That was simple!". I figured I aced it. Imagine my surprise when I exited the exam room to learn that I passed it by a hair. 500 points of 890 were required to pass, and I scored a 540. Whew! Close one!

The moral of the story: Friends don't let friends drink and test!

Oh shit! I'm about to be late to Best Buy. Bye! Miss me.