Saturday, May 02, 2009

Glenn Beck is still a douche!

A few years ago I was surfing through news channels and I came across a fresh new face I hadn't yet seen or heard. He was smug little man sprayed into a tight suit, and he kind of looked a Pee-Wee Herman doll inflated with hot air. He was in the middle of a discussion about what lazy filthy pigs Mexicans are. He went on to berate and disparage the entire culture as a bunch of border jumping job thieves. This rant was played over footage of "Patriots" patrolling the border, guns strapped to their backs. It about made my heart sink to think that there are dumb-fucks out there leaning forward off the recliner and giving Glenn long distance high fives. But then I figured, how long could a douche like this stay on the air? Eventually, someone would raise a stink about the shit coming out of his mouth and it would be all over. It turns out that you can build a fan club and build a career out of stupid (yet faithful) nightly viewers. But who knows right, Don Imus finally got what was coming. It just took far longer than anyone had imagined (including the secretary that he regularly called *the N-word*).

I will spare you my rant about Glenn becks latest comment about the Pittsburgh shooter. But I suggest you take a look at this. Okay, I will give you a short rant. Glenn seems to think that spouting racist remarks, encouraging anti-government, and portraying Obama as a self-proficizing messiah - has no effect on the public. Welcome to real fucking life idiot. This coming from the same guy that blamed television for the doubling of the homicide rate in the 1950's.

What is Glenn up to these days? He's still on the air. And he has a new book coming out. It's called "An Inconvenient Book: Real Solutions to the World's Biggest Problems". Oh, I get it. It's a joke on Al Gore's documentary about how we're melting the planet and sending ourselves to an molten hell. But nevermind that. Let's continue to make jokes about Gore because he claims he invented the Internet.

If you order his book now on Amazon, you can get free gift wrapping!

Might I suggest you wrap it in toilet paper? What's fun about this book, is that Glenn is only half-kidding when he titles the book with "real solutions". This reminds me of those General Electric commercials where they claim that the are going to build a smarter car, or electrical socket, or - whatever. Allow me to play the protagonist here. If you could build that shit - you would have all ready built it, put it in a box, and sold it to me. That hasn't happened yet. So shut the fuck up all ready with these commercials. And fuck you Glenn Beck.

What else is Glenn selling these days? T-shirts! Here's a heart warmer ...

What? Is this a joke? I mean ... obviously it's meant to be funny. But ... he supports drilling in Alaska. I would expect to find this shit on T-Shirt Hell where people would buy this and wear it to offend those on both sides of the issue. I guess this comes down to Glenn's roots as a member of the religious right who don't seem to value the life of anything that wasn't created in God's image. Polar bears don't have souls. So fuck em'!

Here's another one for you ...

I want to congratulate anyone who buys and wears this shirt. I'm going to encourage this one. It will help me identify you in public, so I know not to speak to you.

I have saved the best item for last.

Here is Glenn perpetuating the right-winged talking heads idea that Obama thinks he is Jesus. I really don't know where this whole thing started. Perhaps with Oprah calling him "the one". Or perhaps with the poor bastards who had given up hope after seeing the disaster that our nation is in, and who got excited at the thought of a new outlook for Washington. God forbid we should believe in our president, and not a dead Jewish carpenter from Israel. God forbid ... I made it funny, right?

As much as I hate Glenn Beck, I really want to own one of these for my car. This is sort of like his t-shirts. If I have this on my dash and I still have a "BUSH/CHENEY 2004" sticker on my car, a gun rack, an American flag window sticker, and a NASCAR number (with autograph), I am obviously making fun of Obama. If I have one of these on my dash, and an Obama sticker on my bumper - I am making fun of people who still think a dashboard Jesus is a good idea.

While I am on this serious Blog roll here - let me take a moment to talk to another member of my community.

Dear stupid bitch in the Lexus who gave me a dirty look today for my Obama and "COEXIST" stickers ...
As you were leaving your -excuse me- MY parking spot on your way out of church, I was coming home to get cleaned up. While you were sitting your fat ass in church praying for society, I was cleaning up all the trash at your local park. While you were headed home to sit on the coach, eat ice cream, and watch Glenn Beck, I was leaving to go out and help build a house for a family in need. But go ahead and continue to judge me. I just wish in the end, there was a big set of pearly gates, and some douche standing there to judge YOU. So good ol' Saint Peter could give you a kick in the cunt for wasting all of your good years on your knees - instead of getting the fuck up and doing something useful with your time.

Speaking of doing something useful with your time ... why am I still sitting here ranting?


1 comment:

  1. lol nice! Beck is a total douche. i think the only bigger douche than Beck is Pat Robertson lol.